i go through a lot of things.

i've been through some stuff but what makes me keep going is the potential to go through more shit in the future. im a pretty normal guy though i'd say. i got my weird quirks and some "issues"... but i got more than one friend and i hate my job just like every body else. i actually switch jobs around a lot because of a lot of different reasons. my current job is a doggy daycare but i can't stand it... i wish i could like it but there's webcams and people watch me and my coworker is so annoying i want to fucking strangle her.

bada bing bada boom

anyway..... i might be mental but i deserve a good life just like any one else. i do things for people who will never even see it and i think i'm doing it right now. i try very hard to be masculine and sometimes i feel like im just gonna be put down or laughed at or seen as "insecure" and i don't know why. hell yeah im insecure! everyone is. you think i like who i am? no one does! so fuck you, i'm gonna be the most masculine man yall have ever seen. fuck these bitches! i hate people who put down guys. i think it's more of a "justice for both" situation but what i see on social media sometimes is anti-men or whatever and it's like.... grow up man GODD. i do the same when i see someone being mysgoninistic. i fucking hate people who put down women like that like... I HATE GENERALIZING!!! i hate grouping people together. maybe it's my ocd but i cannot stand that shit. i actually have ocd btw i never thought i had it until i went to a therapist and told her my life. btw i love telling people about my life so if you ask me about it i will tell you anything you want. i wish more hot guys talked to me but they wouldn't even see me as a man.

9 22 22

I have officially gotten back into my jojo phase. i've been exhausting every pixiv, twitter, and r34 search for every character i like in search for more fanart to add to my 3000 picture folder of jojo. this shit crazy!!! i keep a lot of stuff inside because i feel like im gonna gross people out or weird them out or make them disgusted... but at a certain point i just need to let it out because otherwise it sits in my head twisting and twirling and taking up space and i need to let it out, so i will! my first confession that i'm very nervous to say: i like guro. i know, fucked up. i have little idea why im into it. i didn't horror/gore stuff as a kid because i got scared by quite literally everything so idk where it came from. when people ask me what i like i WANT to say guro but i can't say that shit because it's fucking weird and im not into making people uncomfortable. what's really weird is how i see people into the same things as me and i automatically think "you're a freak". i think that's what's gonna happen if i tell my friends that i like it. i can't help it, man. i hate looking like im trying to be edgy but i actually like that shit! i'm crazy.

good thing no one's gonna read this. if im being completely honest with myself i want people to read this. i want my friends to read this and know what i actually am. im ratman but im into some weirdo fucked up shit as well. i seriously want to kill people. i hate when people act like im... i don't know. like im just some little funny guy who is stupid and lol so funny you're so funny haha. makes me murderous. i fucking cannot STAND that shit. all my fucking life i was the weird kid that everyone saw as weird and stupid and gullible and pathetic. and i went along with it because i would be laughed at and made fun of even more if i sat alone at lunch. i'm tired of being seen like that. and if i say who i really am ill STILL be laughed at. listen faggots! i enjoy giving pain. i love it. i want to kill someone and eat their body. i want to have a dick so i can ram it into a man's skull and get off with it. im not some kind of weakling. i can never be that pathetic bitch i once was who dealt with so much from other people because i was insecure and had a personality disorder. i am a MAN. im not some uwu fruit that can't do anything by myself. i am a gay guy in the same way that DIO is a gay guy. i'm not a fucking "bottom" bitch if i had a dick you could not stop me from sticking it in as many things as i could. why am i always seen as a fucking bottom? because im a trans man and trans men are always seen as these little lithe uwu bottom boys? kill yourself. i will actually eat your fucking eyeball. i'm masculine. I AM A FUCKING MAN.